This week grows old. Many things about this week are old in and of themselves. I am so tired of arguing with Ryan or arguing with Brenda.

Earlier this week we got a note from school regarding absenteeism. He has missed Senior Seminar class a total of 17 times. The teacher called me at work on Monday. He relates that he has serious concerns about whether or not Ryan will graduate. He has so many missing assignments and absences that it will be difficult for him to overcome the deficiencies. I sent an IM to Brenda and she asked me to get his number and she would call him back. Later Brenda called Ryan on the carpet about it. She told him that she was done giving him money etc while he continued to fuck off.

As the week continued Ryan is talking about joining the service. He has been talking to a Marine recruiter as well as an Army recruiter. He is interested in becoming a ranger or something along that order. It appears to me that he realizes that he has fooled around for so long that he is unable to rely on his football prowess to land him a scholarship. Since he has never buckled down and done his best academically I think the reality is that he is aware of the tremendous amount of discipline and self denial that would go into him pursuing college at this point. Wrapped in and around that is the lack of history, the kind of history that involves a series of positive results based on reliance of the individual on his own integrity. If Ryan had the level of integrity necessary he would never have stolen from me.

Last night Brenda & I went to the Starlight Cafe & Bar located on Powell in Portland. Today is Shani's birthday and Larry's band was playing. We stayed about 2 hours. It was very smoky. Larry and his band were quite good. They played in a bluesy rock style reminiscent of of Led Zeppelin in the 1970s.

Ryan told us he would be out for a bit in the evening. And that he intended to get a good nights sleep in preparation to be up at 5:00 am . He planned on going to Davidson's and applying for a job. As it turns out he showed up at Noon. He spent the night at Sara's house. When we asked him about why he didn't come home as planned he became very defensive. He was rude and spoke over Brenda. When I started to talk to him he soon lashed out in the same way. He stormed back up to his room while indicating that he was upset with the way we are always getting down on him.
A few minutes later Brenda went up to his room. Their conversation soon devolved into an argument. Brenda came downstairs nearly in tears. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut and keep my cool. My first inclination was to go up and confront Ryan once again. I knew that going through the laundry list of grievances once again would reach the same conclusion once again.
Our uneventful morning took a bad turn. Brenda was upset with Ryan and became cold and distant. All interaction with her became a chore. She became rude and and caustic when involved in basic communication. Soon she left in the Suburban with Rufus after an altercation with me.
I wish that we were more of a team. I hate the feelings that go along with the way I am treated when she is upset. It seems that I am the first to bear the brunt of her wrath and the last to feel the comfort of her love.